


Every Conceivable Advantage

by jedusaur



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: F/M, Pregnancy, Strategy & Tactics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-29
Updated: 2015-07-29
Packaged: 2018-04-11 22:41:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 660
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4455242
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jedusaur/pseuds/jedusaur
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>On September 17th, Johnny says, “Only you, Zimmermann. Only you.”</p><p>“It was her idea!” Bob protests.</p><p>“Only you would marry a woman who would even conceive of that idea.”</p><p>Bob tells Alicia about the conversation later.</p><p>“Heh,” she says. “Conceive.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Every Conceivable Advantage

**Author's Note:**

> I was talking to some people on Twitter about how Jack should have been eligible for the 2008 draft, since the cutoff is in September and his birthday is August 3rd, and psocoptera suggested that in the CP universe the cutoff is August 1st. Then she joked that Bob and Alicia probably did that on purpose.
> 
> And then I told exmanhater about it, and we both sat there in the middle of a Chipotle cracking "conceive" jokes and laughing our asses off for like ten minutes, and now this has somehow happened. Whoops.
> 
> To summarize: premise courtesy psocoptera, title courtesy exmanhater, fault courtesy not me.

On September 14th, Bob stops in the middle of opening a condom and says, “Let’s do it. Let’s just _do_ it, Alicia.”

Alicia says, “Okay. Let’s do it.”

Then she says, “Wait.”

*

On September 17th, Johnny says, “Only you, Zimmermann. Only you.”

“It was her idea!” Bob protests.

“Only you would marry a woman who would even conceive of that idea.”

Bob tells Alicia about the conversation later.

“Heh,” she says. “Conceive.”

*

On September 24th, their doctor has some trouble understanding.

“You’re ready to conceive now, but you’re waiting?”

“The NHL draft cutoff--” Bob begins.

Alicia pats his hand to shut him up. “We want an August birthday,” she says sweetly.

“Oh,” says the doctor. “Okay.”

*

On September 29th, Bob says, “We could still have sex with condoms.”

“You really want an accident to happen now?” Alicia asks. “He’d be the youngest in his draft class.”

Bob sighs. “It could be a girl, anyway.”

“You think there’s any chance we won’t have a pro league for women by 2009?”

“It probably won’t have the same cutoff. And the NHL cutoff could change by then, too.”

“You wanna have sex, we can have sex,” says Alicia. She hikes up her skirt. “We don’t need condoms for that. Just get down there and put your mouth where your mouth is.”

“Yes, _ma’am,_ ” says Bob.

*

On October 4th, Alicia ovulates.

“I thought you didn’t want to risk an accident,” Bob says.

“I don’t care,” says Alicia, straddling him and working on his zipper. “I want you _in me._ ”

Bob stops her. “You had a point, though. If we have an accident now, we could be setting our kid up for a lower draft position.”

Alicia drops her forehead on his shoulder, huffing out an irritated breath.

“I could put my mouth where my mouth is?” offers Bob.

“How about you go over to that seedy little place on Bleury Street and buy me a dildo,” says Alicia.

“I’ll try to find one that looks just like me,” says Bob.

Alicia nods. “Maybe a little wider at the base.”

Bob makes a wounded face. She falls off his lap laughing.

*

On October 19th, Johnny says, “Wait, you haven’t put it in her for a whole month?”

“We have a strategy,” says Bob.

Johnny shakes his head. “I’m glad you two found each other,” he says. “Really, I am. Neither of you should be inflicted on anyone else.”

“Go fuck yourself,” Bob tells him.

“You’d be the expert on that,” Johnny says.

*

On October 25th, Bob says, “Johnny has no idea what the fuck he’s talking about.”

Alicia pops her mouth off him and says, “You want to talk about Johnny or you want me to suck your cock? ‘Cause honey, you’re gonna need to pick one.”

Bob shuts up.

*

On November 3rd, Alicia ovulates again.

“We should wait a little longer,” says Bob. “It’s not always exactly nine months. If the baby comes just a few days early, this will all be for nothing. We’re right on the line here. Maybe one more cycle?”

“Take off your fucking pants,” says Alicia.

*

On August 1st, Bob and Alicia stay up until midnight.

“Bartholomew,” muses Bob.

“We’re naming him Jack,” says Alicia. “Your parents will kill me if we don’t carry on your family tradition.”

“Fergus,” Bob suggests. “Archibald. Winthrop.”

Alicia snorts. “Fine. We’re naming him Winthrop, and you’re telling your mother.”

“Two more minutes,” says Bob.

“I don’t think I’m going to get through labor and squeeze out the baby in the next two minutes,” says Alicia. “We’re probably safe at this point.”

“One minute,” says Bob.

They watch the clock.

“Okay, there we go,” Bob says, satisfied. “This kid is gonna blow the competition out of the water at the 2009 draft.”

“Hell yes,” says Alicia, and they high-five.

*

“Is it true that you planned Jack’s birthday to fall directly after the draft cutoff date?” asks a reporter.

“That,” says Alicia loftily, “is ridiculous.”


End file.
